I’m in the process of editing the bits and pieces of this particular work that I have, and redoing and refreshing things. I am always surprised at the difference between the first and second draft of a project, and how the whole shape of things changes. I’m going to post my rewrite first, and the first draft second – this way people can see the changes. Its not huge, but its interesting to note the difference in work as it progresses.
First draft
Swords clashed. The sound of metal scraping metal could be heard across the castle courtyard as two boys yelled insults at each other and thrust their swords towards each other in an intricate dance.
The clash of swords was loud and obnoxious as the boys yelled insults back and forth at each other. Neither one of them noticed that someone had popped her head over the wall, and was watching them with amusement until they heard a very unladylike giggle.
Prince Jak’s head whipped around and thats when he saw the girl. She was just a little younger than himself, around thirteen or fourteen. She had light brown hair tied back in a braid, freckles and a tan from being out in the sun a bit to much. She was also wearing a rather plain dress that had no frills. Once he realized that she was not of his fathers court, he relaxed a bit. No trouble was going to come from that end. She would not report him doing something just a wee bit out of line.
“What are you doing?” The girl asked, in a slightly patronizing voice as she leaned over the wall and flicked her braid over her shoulder.
“We’re practicing, can’t you tell?” Prince Jak’s cousin Arni asked in the same tone. “Why are you hanging over the wall? Don’t you have somewhere to be other than here?”
Prince Jak mentally groaned at that tone of voice. He knew, then and there, that Arni was in his I am spoiling for a good argument” mode. That particular mode of his cousin’s was the reason they were out practicing as it was – His cousin was rebelling against the Lord Claricol, who wanted Arni to become a scholar. Arni was mad for fighting, and wanted to rise in ranks alongside Prince Jak’s older brother, Malveric.
“Heh, what am I doing? Isn’t it obvious? I’m standing on a tree branch watching you two boys clown around. I could hear the noise from about a hundred feet down the road, and in the kitchens, and almost in the stables. The insults you were shouting at each other were so weak that I was laughing and I had to come see who was creating so much ruckus that you could wake the dead. Are those real swords?” The girl insulted them in one breath, and asked questions in another. Prince Jak found that sort of annoying. Ok, really annoying. Who was this girl, who thought she could hang out in the royal gardens like this. Well, technically, she wasn’t in the royal gardens, but close enough.
“Of course they are real swords.” He stated, in his most lordly, I’;m better than you are voice. It was the bored tone of voice of the lords in his father’s court. He had gotten the tone down pat after spending hours listening to them in the courtroom. “Now leave us be, girl, and run back to wherever it is you came from. We’re busy, and don’t need the like of you around. Also, for your information, we were not clowning around.”
The girl ignored his order to leave. She seemed quite content to lean on the wall. Way to content by Prince Jak’s way of thinking. No girl should be able to climb trees like that.
“I don’t think I will leave. Watching you two acting silly is the most fun I’ve had all day. Way better than bringing the vegetables to the cook.”
“Is that all you are? A common farm girl?” Arni seemed to take delight in insulting the girl.
“I am not common!” The girl’s eyes flashed with anger, and, much to the surprise of the boys, she vaulted rather easily over the wall. She stumbled a bit when she hit the ground, but landed in a stance that showed she had done this act many times before.
“No lady would have climbed and jumped a fence like that.” Prince Jak exchanged looks with Arni, swords forgotten as they found something new to do. Take turns insulting the farm girl.
“I’m not a lady, but I am not just a common farm girl either.” The girl insisted again, as she dusted herself off. “Just because you boys are acting like idiots, play fighting, and probably live in a castle doesn’t make you better than everyone else, you know. Why, its not as if your important or anything. Just boys. And everyone knows that boys are rather dumb until you knock some sense into them.” The girl looked the prince right in the eye as she said this. “And I’m the girl to do it, if need be.”
“Not important? Don’t you know who you’re dealing with?” Arni puffed up with importance, then made a pointing motion towards Prince Jak. “He’s the Prince. And I’m a young lordling. We’re your betters, girl. Now why don’t you climb that wall and go back to where you came from, and leave the important& people alone.:
The girl started laughing. Not delicate giggles like most of the girls that Jak knew, but a full out laugh. A rolling, honest to goodness, belly laugh even. No girl that Jak knew ever acted like she did. He was sure that she must have been just a little common girl, not anyone of particular importance.
“That boy? A prince? He looks like a common enough boys to me. Most princes don’t go around with holes in their knees. Or, at least that’s what I’ve heard.”
Prince Jak had just about had enough of being insulted for one day. He growled and dropped the sword. It landed with a clatter on some cobblestone that covered the walkways of the gardens.
“I am a prince. You are nothing but a silly, common, good for nothing, farm girl. Go away, and take your freckled face with you. Childish little girls should be at home in the kitchen, with their mothers.”
“Why you!” The girl sprung at him with no warning, knocking him down to the ground. “Why don’t you boys learn? No one picks on my freckles! Don’t call me silly! And I’m no child!” She screeched, hitting Prince Jak squarely in the stomach. The prince felt his breath go out of him with a swift whoosh. She had a good punch, for a girl.
The prince struggled to get up, and found that he was pinned under the girl. He reached up and pulled her braid, hard and she screamed. She, in turn, had grabbed a handful of rocks, dirt and mud and was currently rubbing it in his face. He let a wild punch go, and it fell short, landing on her arm. She punched him one more time, in the eye. Arni looked ready to wade in and start hitting the girl too, when, out of nowhere, Jak heard voices bellowing.
“Over there” One of his father’s men at arms had come to see what the commotion was.
“Shoot!” Exclaimed Arni. “Its your father’s men at arms! We got to get out of here Jak We are so going to get in deep trouble!”
The girl got in one more good punch before being hauled off Jak. Prince Jak was pulled up off the ground by his ear and then shaken roughly.
“To late, you are already in trouble! You know better than to be clowning around like this, my Prince.” Calmon, the man at arms stated sternly. “And look at this, your best sword, laying on the ground? The weapons trainer will have your head for supper!”
“You are acting no better, Arni.” The other man at arms piped up. “How dare you let our prince fight with a girl? Have you no common sense? What if they had both gotten seriously hurt? Do you really want to explain to the king how you damaged his son?”
The girl looked slightly surprised to find the boys were telling the truth about Jak being a prince, but still snickered slightly at what the man at arms had said.
“You, Zoe! You of all girls should know better!” The man at arms shouted at the girl. I’m telling mom. Mom hates fights, you know. Remember what she did to our brother Nid? He existed on bread and water for a week.”
The girl paled, flushed, and paled again. “You wouldn! Please don’t, it was just a play fight! We didn’t mean anything by it. Not like you didn’t have them, when you were my age. Remember who your favorite sister is.”
Jak snorted at the wheedling tone in the girl’s voice. You could tell she had her brother tied around her pinky finger.
The ma’s stern face broke into a smile for a moment, and then it went blank.
“Im going to have to Zoe.”
“Forget telling her mother, lets bring them all into the King’s court. His Majesty will want to hear about this. Fighting like commoners. Dropping swords on the ground. Having swords when they aren’t supposed to be anywhere near them. Need I say more?”
Prince Jak exchanged looks with his cousin Arni and sighed. They were so going to get in trouble.
End of First Draft
